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3 months, 92 days, 1/4 year, almost 1% of my time spent on the planet thus far.... What ever way you slice it, I think its safe to say that its been more than short while since I walked on my own two feet. That fateful day when I managed to slip at the wrong time and land in the wrong place drastically changed the direction, or lack there of (your choice), my life was heading. I’ve already responded to one of the most popular questions posed to me by friends and strangers, but there’s another more annoying, sometimes almost arrogant, question that I suddenly feel compelled to respond to.

“So, what have you learned from all this?”

I may have a bit of a “granola” bend to my personality, but shit like this is what makes me wish I could completely disassociate myself from any past that involved yoga, vegetarianism, pot smoking, or hot tubs. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, that the all-mighty “.....” (fill in the blank with your favorite name) presents us with challenges to make us stronger, or that this was inevitable due to some arrangement of stars on the night I was born. That’s all a bunch of nonsense. However, I do believe that we can create a reason for anything that happens as a way to help ourselves get stronger, or that there are natural forces (like gravity) and the dark tangled mess of our deeper psyche that can both catch up to us at the same time and the same place, and that there may be more affecting our development than simply our genetics and our experiences. See the difference? You can’t just throw out modern science because you had a really cool acid trip or a chakra light up in yoga class. I’ve had that acid trip, and trust me, I’ve seen it all in yoga class! It’s rad, but we can’t just perma-bliss and forget about the basics, or we’ll all end up like “that guy” at the farmer’s market.

But I digress. What kills me about this question is that half the time I’m asked, the inquirer asks it from some place of spiritual elitism, which is, by the way, my favorite part of the trendy yoga studio crowd (Note: I’m perfectly willing to admit that I’m quite possibly projecting my own spiritual elitism onto them, and that my own less than perfect experience with the “healing arts” has marred me somewhere deep in my unconscious thus making this entire rant an immature and ego inflating sack of shit). What they really mean is “You silly little man with petty pursuits unlike my lofty ones drenched in upper tier morality you couldn’t possibly understand: What have you got to say for yourself now?” Well, to all those people I’d like to respond with a simple: How about you go fuck yourself with a healing crystal.

For those that truly are interested in the past 3 months of my life, the ones that ask this of me because of our shared past, mutual interest in the unknown or simply because they didn’t know what else to say, I do have an answer that doesn’t involve any orifice of your body or a healing crystal. By the way, sorry you had to read all that other stuff above. I really do appreciate your concern and respect your intellect. I’m just sort of lose cannon these days and it isn’t fair for me to let a few idiots tarnish our relationship. I hope you understand.

A quick list of what I’ve learned in no particular order:

• Boredom is a very dangerous thing. Stay busy

• I can always love more than I do

• There’s this really cool coffee shop in Mammoth sort of close to the hospital. I can’t remember the name, but....
• Caffeine is necessary
• Pot doesn’t increase creativity, it dulls the shit out of it.
• The body is way more fragile that I once thought. We break, and sometimes it doesn’t get better on its own - especially cartilage. Avoid tearing cartilage. I’m still undecided about bones. I’ll have to get back to you about that
• While 11 pads stacked at the base of a 12 ft problem is excessive, one miniature pad beneath a 20 footer isn’t enough.
• Ski towns always have good orthopods in stock.
• I like walking... allot.
• Tragedy’s don’t cure “asshole-ism”
• My dog is more intuitive than most people
• I do have a sweet tooth after all.
• Reading is, and will always be, a worthwhile activity.
• A change of scenery is often the perfect solution
• While generally not a fan of opiates, when pain is off the charts, I highly recommend Diladid (sp?). This shit works.
• I need a job.
• I really need a job.
• Very cliché, but I truly know even less than I thought I did.